Ender (ender) wrote,
Ender
ender

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43% of all statistics are worthless....

If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Bwahahaha. And now a few notes from the diabolical side:

- All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
- I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
- I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.
- My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
- I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
- The artifact that is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.
- I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "It's power is now mine!!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.
- My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
- I will build machines that simply fail when overloaded rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".
- If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

Almost done. Finally:
- Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

- I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
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